The Past and Future

Summer is finally around us in Sheboygan and everyone is desperately accomplishing as much sun-filled activities as possible. This is Kaolin's first summer in which she can actually stretch her legs, run around and be a free soul. I'm so excited for her and am trying not to be too much of a hermit so that she can get her fill of sunny days. The winter here is too long and some years, too dark.

Two days ago, I had an epiphany. It was the most perfect day I'd experienced in a long long while. After pouring over my books for 6 gruelling hours, I went for a 2 mile jog. I felt so balanced. My mind, body and spirit were humming in harmonious connection that afternoon. Following the run, I decided to water the plants. And that lead me into a meditation...we live in a very nice simple place. Simple is a luxury so many people would pay anything for. I am living the Winslow Homer life. I don't know why I hadn't seen it before?

This morning I entered the restroom and was caught off-guard by a long forgotten familiar flowery scent. It was from a brand of body soap we hadn't purchased in a long time. I was instantly seized and transferred to another place, in the tiled bathroom of our old Dobbs Ferry apartment. It was my second year in law school, our best friend Nancy Casadone lived downstairs, autumn was long and brilliant, we'd walked to our favorite local diner on Sundays and spend lazy afternoons reading over coffee at the bookstore...we'd take monthly escapes to the city and meander for hours through the Metropolitan Museum. Those days seem like a golden haze that's so far away, like another carnation of myself in another dimension separated by a glass wall, by time. I miss the spicey scent of fall in New York. I miss those drives through the greenary of the Saw Mill parkway and exploring Connecticut's country side. Mostly, I lament the fact that I am growing old and that those memories are now lost to time, with no witness or souveniers. Only our memories.

Life, at a certain point, becomes measured by achievements and action rather than by ticking minutes. Two years can go by and if the goal is simply focused on just one matter, that goal being met, you are effectively on the right track. This November marks our fifth year in Sheboygan. What a whirlwind experience that's been slow in the making. These past five years ticked by with an eternity of seconds. Yet I don't know how I managed to squeeze everything in. Clay and I are now talking about the next phase in our lives. I wonder how it will unfold.