Who? What?

What is a perfectionist? Is it someone who desires to control every detail of their environment and life? That's an impossible task. Is it someone who makes an art of controlling uncontrollable chaos? With a lot of compromise to the little details that may matter. Lately I've been looking at myself in the mirror, feeling half proud about my recent weight loss but also a little depressed about the bags under my eyes. I look completely worn out and aged. From emotionally draining stress, from defiency of fun, from lack of good shopping and poorly fit clothing. Which hits me when I meet moms my age or a little older around town who look completely gorgeous, glossy lipped, flawlessly made up skin, shiny perfectly sculpted hair, soft tender hands, awesome intelligent personality, super stylish...I wonder what amount of energy and time it takes to look that way and keep looking so perfectly that way. I know that image is an important part of the business I'm in I have to look "put together". But with everything that takes up my time and day, it's a tall order. Waking up at 7am to get babies ready for the day, heading to the office with infant in tow, all the work I have to do to get my business ready for launch, heading home every day at 4pm to cook dinner, picking up my preschooler at 5:30 pm, feeding family, cleaning dishes, bathing babies, cleaning house and/or laundry, caring for dogs, finding time to shower, putting my preschooler to bed, nursing the baby throughout the day. I'm usually not done till around 11:30p.m. - 12:30a.m. at best. I'd be lucky to have just 15 minutes in the evening to sit down over a quiet glass of wine. I feel lately that I've just been managing chaos, juggling insanity. I feel like it's been like this for a while. I've become the grey grid line on a grid sheet supporting the drawings on it.