Real Housewife

When the movie, "Motherhood" came out on video, I anxiously plugged it in, PJs on and bottle of wine ready for the moment.  The moment that Hollywood and the world tells my story, my life.  I wanted to laugh and cry and say, "See!  I told you so!  I'm not crazy.  Enough moms go through this, that's why they've made a movie about it." 

Well, it didn't turn out that way.  Uma Thurman, already stick thin like she hadn't eaten in two years, just looked like a crazy woman wilderbeast as she pretended to mimick a mom of several children fumbling over car seats, strollers, etc.  She was always on the brink of disaster which is really unfair to hard working moms who are always a few steps above this.  The movie tried to capture the realities of motherhood but it failed to capture the real heart of it.  In truth, motherhood is more about women who are always just a few steps behind perfection and feeling so guilty and lost by this.


Often lately, I've been feeling like time is slipping away.  Like I had stopped at a train track 10 years ago and gotten on the wrong train, leaving beauty behind.  To those on the outside, it looks like a lot of self pity.  But for those on the inside, its a survival hunt for the silver lining.  For me, I just want a return to my earlier sense of self.  Driving to Walmart this past weekend, two kids in the back seat, the radio on, no other place to be but a desire to get out of the house, nothing else more exciting in a town but weekend congregations at Walmart, Beth Orton takes over on the radio and I slip into the late 90's, under a different skin for the duration of the song, feeling music, art, exploration and creativity, qualities that I thought had defined me back then.