A Summer To Remember

Dear Honey,

I'd bought you a little drawing book this weekend.  In it were stensils of stylish clothing wear and stickers of accessories for my blossoming designer.  I flipped through it tonight and admired your art work.  I am not completely surprised but simply impressed by your budding sense of style and your ability to translate it on paper.  Just like me, we seem to be better on paper. 

Tonight, as I dropped you and your sister off at Lota's, you said to me that you were afraid.  Afraid of missing me too much this weekend.  After all the ups and downs this week as we recovered through your tonsil surgery, you still had it in you to tell me you loved me and that you missed me.  Do you know that I feel the same way?  About you and your sister? 

As an adult, you'd expect that I would have it figured out enough by now to keep things secure for you.  But I am trying to answer questions still which seems so selfish but I say to myself that it's in the hopes that I can answer them for you along the way. 

Sometimes, when time is short, we try to make up for it however best we can.  This week has been a summer to remember.  I hope you never forget it either.  Beaching out on the sand, catching dead fish, building sand castles and filling up our spiritual tanks.  I still have that one fish you caught sitting in your sister's sippy cup.  It may stink up before the end of week.  But it's quite a sight at the moment, on my window sill, with your little flower that we planted in the pot.  Thank you so much for the seeds that you sewed in my other pots that you left in my garden.  You are a mother's dream and my blessing.  You and your sister are my angels and fairies. 

If you were wondering, I miss you too.   

cracks in the core

Sadness comes from disappointment.  The precedence of the first broken promise.  An experience of lost innocence.  That is the human experience of nature and fate.  I wake up on occasion from recurring dreams that I am looking backwards from the sidelines asking if that is all?  The epic journey concluding so abruptly.  Even if the story was a bitter one to take, the ending always feel unexpected.  I mourn a loss, one that I ended by my own choice.  It could have otherwise been right.  But things fail usually from cracks in the core.