Life is slow. When we work, we dream of play. When we play, we regret not working. The weather in Wisconsin is a daily reminder that time is never wisely utilized. I should be at the beach this very moment, etching out claims to two pending applications. And yet, I am watching reality t.v. online, watching the gecko watching me, finishing up a beer and looking out at my clear blue fading sky. One thing my Asian parents taught me well was to always work before play. And now, many times, my heart and spirit is paralyzed with the indecision between what's more important. Time, or health and spirit? Which will put me further ahead faster? Which will make me stronger in the long run and not get me in trouble in the short term? When my girls are here, there is always the good reason that it's for them. Purely unselfish unadultered good fun and memories. And time off is time to make up for lost time.
Quietness to me, feels like wasted time. Particularly unplanned quietness. And sunlight is always a wasted moment in Wisconsin as long as I am inside an enclosed building. I cry in my heart over every summer day gone. If only I could light a bonfire to celebrate the end of every warm day passed. Quietness without children's laughter, for a parent is lonely solitude. I understand some people's desires to fill loneliness with false joys. But the high of something real is always better. It is now 6:31pm, the sky is grey and perhaps, Lake Michigan is green with bacterial algae. Perhaps, despite the creeping fall coolness I should pack a notebook and a pen and head to the sand for an hour of patent claim meditation. Save the 6 pack for later when I feel more accomplished and can waste away bad calories over guiltless pleasures of baking apple tartlets for smiling faces tomorrow. Not that I am some Prairie Home Housewife. Just that, even when life is good, the endorphin tank is always a challenge to fill. Riding a bicycle requires that we never stop peddling.
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