The bleak white and grey winter and slow spring was like punishment. And yet I committed no crime. I looked around for my circumstance to change, for warmth to arrive. Purgatory was the background of a plot written by someone else. I was also an imagined character of another person's plot. And could not change the weather.
Then, I changed the background setting of my computer, the moment of a minor hope when the sun showed itself and the weather broke above 40. Of tulips. A wild luscious innocent thick scattering of color on the most massive scale exploding in my 360 world of snow. Safely positioned in the background setting of my 3 dimensional world. I dare not bring a single red rose into my 360 dimensional life. My life did not justify the 7 dollars. Window dressing was good enough.
Everything else takes precedence, and those did not include a frivolity of a colorful petal. Nor a hair cut. Nor the painting of my nails. Not even a worthy carrot at the end of the stick. Just reward in the form of the smile of my loved ones from the flavor of food that I cooked, purchased from the money that I had made from the work I slaved over, that took precedence over the color of a flower petal meant only for me.
I find myself in the inverse, placed there very carefully for many ages of years ago. Never motivated to leave my corner. Even now. I wonder why. And wonder if it would be better if I should. Partly fearing the error of my ways if I do. For the potential waste of time. Recalling failed ventures and guilty feelings of lost virtue from wasted effort. Self indulgence in the form of a fruitless type of beauty. I stare at my screen, wishing I could own a single colorful petal. Unsure what to do next.
