I Put My New Shoes On and Everything's Gonna Be Alright

It's beautiful outside and here I am with self imposed imprisonment inside this tiny hotel room in downtown Chicago.  I'd promised Kbear that I'd search heaven and earth endlessly for the perfect package of blue pretend food that you'd have to tear the edge off to release a powder substance that would have to be mixed with water in order to feed her hungry needy babies.  They really need it.  It's only 6:30 and I haven't even spied one NATO protestor in two days of walking back and forth from my conference to my hotel.  There is this feeling of having my tail between my legs today that keeps me from being more adventurous this evening.  It started this morning when I missed the 7am alarm and didn't have enough time to wash my hair.  It's partly from my over expanded breasts badly in need of a good pump.  Pumping helps relieve pressure and avoid embarrassing glances from men who have no concept of nursing mothers.  Perhaps there is a tiny bit to do with today's questionable wardrobe choices.  I've also been really dissappointed with the quality of the local food and am afraid of further disappointment if I decide to go on a culinary hunt for good pastry tonight.  Mostly, there is this feeling of not fitting in.  Having lived in Sheboygan for now going 7 years, I've become Sheboyganized.  There is this inner desire for things that are small, more local, affordable, within reach.  And yet, I reject that same sentiment from my core constantly.  Even now.  I'm so confused.  Perhaps it's better just to make a decision at this point and stick with it.  It's 6:38 p.m.  Gonna put on my walking shoes.               

There are two fortune cookie quotes messily stuck to my lap top base. One says, "Faith is knowing there is an ocean when you can only see the stream," the other says, "In dreams and in life, nothing is impossible." They are daily reminders to me that the bet was worth taking. I'm still breathing so the bet's still on the table. I should be researching right now, or reading training material, or prepping advertisements. Maybe even some light mindless prototyping work. But overnight, the weather has gone from 62 to 74 and it's not yet noon on Friday. I want to find and outdoor pool to swim in, jog a couple of miles with my dogs, find a shade under a friendly beer garden. I want to play hookie for the day and have beer o'clock with my husband. At least one of these things I hope to do so that the beautiful weather would not be wasted. At the moment, time feels like it is on a rare moment of good balance. So I perch myself on top of hill's edge, drink in the fresh air, feel the vibration of life sink in because there is not much to think about. My heart is filled with love for the day, love for my daughters, love for my husband and love for good feng shui at my new office.