Happy Birthday Happy Birthday

Today Casey turns 1 year old.  A healthy rambunctious little tom boy who doesn't take no for an answer.  Kaolin turned 4 years old two weeks earlier, a dainty princess going on 14.  From a mild winter through an intense and glorious summer, this past year has been about reaching as far as we can go and experiencing good weather. 

Five years ago, I had a plan.  Quit my job, become a patent attorney, have a second baby, start my own practice, create and market a new invention.  With a lot of luck, I have two of the most wonderful little girls in the world in my life.  Every night when we prepare for bed, as I watch them roll around together, wrestling and laughing until they fall into quiet tranquility, it's hard to believe that not long ago, both each came out of me.  They are little reflections of me, in all their faults and good qualities.  Motherhood has become the center of my life.  Lately I've wondered about my mother at this stage of her life and my impressions of her and my father's relationship at that time.  There was an earlier moment when she seemed very content, energetic and happy.  When we were still very young and were easy to control.  But as our lives became more complicated, my parents taking on a failing restaurant business, both working two jobs every day, not seeing each other but for brief moments asleep in bed in the darkness between first and second shifts, my mother became more unhinged while my father became more quiet and reactive.  As little ones, we really were aware and tried not to place too much emotional demands on our parents.  In the asian culture, children generally shouldn't expect that anyway.  However, reflecting on those years when my parents worked so hard and suffered so much over issues of finance, the memories were not happy.  The memories of our family was not very happy.  There were not many moments of joy and piece.  I truly fear that side coming out of me. 

Doing it on my own has posed many challenges.  Trying to maximize time while avoiding the squeeze against the clock.  I've decided to invest in a housekeeper, pay for laundry service once a month, eat out twice a week, hire a part time intern, buy an eliptical, etc.  All this really helps in keeping my sanity.  I know I need extra help when I feel the panic attack set on. 

Lota and I are starting a business together.  Selling two new products on Etsy.  We may have to farm out the work sooner than later, but it has been very exciting.  I am not afraid of the time commitment, but do worry that we can't handle it all on our own.  We're putting ourselves to the test and seeing how our ideas pan out in the market.  We call ourselves Two Wives.  I owe every bit of this business to many afternoons sitting on my mother's bed next to her sewing machine, watching korean soap operas in the background while chatting with her about our daily lives in the foreground....my mother sewing away on consigned products and me sheering away at the extra pieces of strings for a cleaner final product.  It had always been about two women from the start.