It's been a cool summer this year. Some would say that summer never arrived and that we're already in the midst of fall. The belly is growing with no name yet to agree on but I had my first dream of this chubby spirited little girl in dancing clothes stealing mommy's make-up and attention. Kaolin has reached a new milestone in her life, now attending a new more advanced preschool. This morning, she fulfills her daddy's dream and takes her fishing rod out for a first throw of the reel into a local pond. I see a father-daughter tradition in the works reminiscent of "A River Runs Through It".

The transition to the new school was harder than I expected, with mixed emotions flying from both Kaolin and myself. It's a school now, not much a kumbaya daycare environment. There is little coddling involved, which tears me up inside knowing how much she's missing the hugs and kisses of Ms. Claudette and Ms. Vickey. We've attempted to heal the morning separation wounds with ice cream at the end of each day. We talk about the scariness of the new environment, the difference between her old and new teachers, and about being brave. As I cross each day off on my mental calender, with lots of prayers that it gets better for her, she amazingly pulls through and now seems to begin the adjustment. What a brave example for her mommy, who was ready to pull her out of the new school entirely from the torture of her first week's misery. I am so proud of my little girl. You see the strength grow in her from overcoming the toughest challenge in her little life so far. At home, she has become noticeably more independent, responsive and responsible. If all goes well as I hope, then perhaps I can pat myself on the back for being a good mommy afterall.

Work has also been an epiphany in my life as well. I'm still wrapping my mind around the fact that I am now working for myself and will possibly never answer to another person again. The distance I travel in my own career will be directly reflective of my own effort and skill. It's such a different route, one which I had always anticipated but only after I'd done the traditional work for another person. Doing it so early makes me feel a little like a rogue warrior. Or like a dog who's been let off the leash, having to direct itself for the first time on its own instinct and experience. I have been very fortunate these past few months with regular customer calls without having even advertised yet. It's hard to shoot far when you're expecting a child in less than 4 months. For a while, I felt paralyzed standing in the middle of a crossroad. Family and health versus business. Though I'm still struggling with the inner instinct of hitting the ball hard, I'm intentionally lobbing soft ones right now. Enough to sustain the game until next year. The anticipation game is stressful half the time. But I am grateful for my good fortune, the regular clientelle, and the ability to take it easy with my family during the better part of the season.